I'm back

It’s been a while since I last wrote…I’ve been going through a lot in my life. School has become a constant stress for me this semester, but im getting through it. When I was a freshman I didn’t really care about school and I fucked up a lot so now im fixing my mistakes. I have to take 18 more credits to graduate on time, that means 6 classes for the next 3 semesters. It’s hard and overwhelming at times but its my own fault and I know I can do it. Besides the stress of school I’ve also become stressed about my life. In December I was away for winter break. I went to Colorado to visit my best friend, Adam, during the time I was there I came to the realization that I was unhappy with my life. Somewhere in the past 2 and half years I lost myself. I forgot how to just be happy with life and not let shit get to me. I became antisocial in a sense. I gave up a lot of things I loved for the one I love, not that he asked me to…I just got so involved in my relationship that I forgot to live my life too. So in the past two months I’ve been working on finding me. I’m happy again and im back to loving life. I get out more and talk to people more. I’m more involved in life again. I realized I became a very awkward person to be around because I didn’t talk much or do much. But I’m back…the Felicia I love is back. The carefree and easy going Felicia is back. :]

supposed to be

Ive been wondering lately…actually for quite some time now, how do you know when you have found who you are supposed to be? Honestly, what the fuck does that mean? Everything in the world is all made up…not real, so how can there be a “supposed to be”? we could all be completely different if only one thing in history was changed; nothing is actually “supposed to be” everything could be a different way. Did you know that the Chinese were first to start a voyage to North America? They actually came into contact with Columbus on the way, but something happened on the way (no one knows) and they never made it. If they did make it then Americans would all be speaking Chinese, we would all have different beliefs, values, and religions than what we have today.  So there is no “supposed to be” we could change anything about ourselves whether it be the way we look, speak, or even the career path we have chosen to go down. There should never be a “supposed to be” because that just stops people from becoming someone they would actually like better. We should never stay on one path; we should take that right at the fork in the road or fuck it just get off the fucking road and run through the grass and see what else is out there. Why stick to one path; why not explore everything around us? Everything we believe in as a society, from the laws to marriage, it’s all make-believe. We can’t change the way the world runs now, it’s been going on for too long, but we can change our selves. There’s all kinds of wonderful things in the world that people don’t get to experience because they think they have found what they are “supposed to be” when we will never know what we are actually “supposed to be”. I mean sure, there are many people happy with their lives, but what if they explored the world more and could find something even more fulfilling? We just settle and never think that we can strive to become more than one thing or keep searching forever for what would make us the happiest. Why settle for “supposed to be”?

congrats to the love of my life

     finally, i have gotten a free moment to write. i've been really busy this past week. my boyfriend graduated from his school on Friday, very proud day. He has accomplished more than i think he realizes. when i met him he was 22 living at home, taking college classes through the base, and working. i'm pretty sure if he didn't move he would still being doing that every same thing. i think by him leaving home and starting his life without the security of his parents he has accomplished a lot. Went he first moved to the states he was spending money like crazy, now he's learned the value of a dollar, and even though it has taken many ramen noodle packages i think he has learned that even though it only cost five dollars more to get it in red, it's better to save that five extra dollars...haha. i'm very proud of David and i hope he realizes what he has accomplished, besides an Associates.
     after David's graduation, on Saturday we went on a Subaru cruise through the mountains for a photo shot of the cars. The main picture is amazing, but i never want to sit in a car for that long ever again. Our friend Hawk got to see his first boob, some woman, in the passengers seat of a car that drove by, had her top hanging under her right boob and flashed everyone that was looking over the wall on the top of the car garage. All the guys seemed to be pretty excited about seeing it. Then after we were done with the cruise David, Hawk, and i drove up to a campsite outside of the city i live in and camped out for the night. It was nice to just relax after a long day, even though we spent most of the night looking for firewood in the dark. It ended up storming so we went into Hawks giant tent to chill, drink beer, and watch a movie...but David was so exhausted from the trip that we ended up going to bed before midnight. it got so cold during the night, especially with David hogging the two blankets, i was scared i was going to freeze to death. I woke up close to 8am and the boys were still out cold so i decided to go collect firewood since it was light outside. I ended up collecting a lot because the boys didn't get up for like two hours after me, so i was bored and didn't know what else to do. i then decided to try and light the fire without the Easy Light Log...epic fail. so i now know i should never get myself in a situation where i need to start a fire...haha. eventually the boys got up and started the fire and then we ate breakfast and decided to burn pretty much everything in the campfire. so we threw tarps, pillows, trash, and whatever else there was into the fire. i know....bad for the environment, but honestly it was fun.

I hate talking about my boyfriend...it makes me realize how much I really do miss him. I hate not living together like we used to...but i know we have it better than most couples...but it still sucks. :[